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soul - ache  - ideas, sounds and images between the already and the not-yet

on rethinking home and hope


I've written here before about the work of Paul and Judy Ridgway who are working in and among orphanages in Bulgaria. Jen and I have gone over there 3 times in the last two years and every time I struggle to put words to the experience. We're not alone in this task, others have gone with us, and one of the teenagers leaves Monday to spend a month helping take shoes to the orphanages and work alongside the Ridgways. (prayers welcome for you praying folk reading this--I know he'd appreciate it).

I'm not expert on the socio-political structure of Bulgaria, and the last thing anybody needs is some well-intentioned Westerner saying "Now here's your problem..." I have learned some things when we've been over there, however, that I'd like to share here, and hope that maybe they are challenging and helpful to you as they have been to me.

Bulgaria is an Eastern European country that up until the fall of communism was functionally under Soviet control. There are civic buildings in remote mountain cities that depict the faces of Bulgarian leaders and solider on one building and mirror-images of Lenin and Kruschev on the other. Soviet statues and monuments litter the countryside, as grass begins to cover a very dark time in Bulgaria's history. 

The visage of Soviet politics still lies under the creeping democracy, though it is more routinely experienced in the iron fist of the new regime--organized crime and political corruption. After being a member of the EU for only two years, Bulgaria has had it's EU funded projects frozen until it combats what the EU has labeled as "widespread politcal corruption on the national and local levels."

But there's more than just the daunting task of a country emerging from underneath an oppresive regime--there is the distinct impression that things ought to be cosmopolitan--European, as much as MTV can be European, but nonetheless trendy, affluent and successful. There is the fear that the best and brightest students will leave the country and go elsewhere to make more money. 

Beneath all these tensions lies the most pervasive problem in any culture--conflicting people groups. While many Bulgarians can rightly claim a distinctly Eastern European heritage, the country is dotted with pocket communities of Roma, or, as they are more normally known, Gypsies.

When I was growing up, Gypsies were portrayed in television and film as deceitful hucksters and theieves, seeking only to scam you of precious money or goods. Maybe I shouldn't have been suprised when we returned when one (traditionally open-minded) senior adult said "Did you leave with your watch?" I was shocked, outraged--I wanted to yell at him and tell him that was not the people I had met--the people I had met had been ghettoized--the "home" they had was not really "home". They were a displaced people, in a sense.

It turns out the administration under Communism didn't know what to do with the Gypsies spread across Eastern Europe. A "Trail of Tears" forced exodus was too complex, and a further holocaust would draw too much attention. The solution was to leave them where they were--to build shanty towns buildings with no running water or electricity. If this sounds like the rural South during Reconstruction you're starting to get the right idea.

If you're thinking what I was thinking when I first heard this, you might say "Well, at least they have a place--that's not so bad." The problem is the stereotype of the Gypsy people--a meandering, nomadic community--well, there's some real truth to that.

To the Roma people the community is the home, for good or ill. Home is not permanent, nor was it ever intended to be. 

This is not ideal, in many ways, as there are, in any community, a number of nefarious folks who will exploit the system and take advantage. In some places, these patterns have become routine--brothers selling sisters into prostitution. This, in and of itself is tragic, but, as is often the case even in rural America, poverty can be a terminal disease--people only act out of what they know or have been reared in.

And so now there are Gypsy villages all across Bulgaria, very few with schools or basic hygiene. There is even a large community in downtown Sofia, the burgeoning capitol so eager to enter the 21st century. 

I can't pretend to know all the issues involved in working in and among the Roma, but thankfully there are many there who do. One of our translators posted the video above on Facebook. It's a short film at only 13 minutes or so, but it draws attention to the many issues in working among the Gypsy population in Bulgaria. It also shows the power of the indigenous local church to work to bring the kingdom of God and shine light in places traditionally characterized by darkness. I share it here and invite you to learn along with me--that we might pray and talk and struggle and question what it means to be the presence of Christ everywhere.

I think the tendency for any of us is to think that this kind of thing is simply out our hands--that there's nothing we can do. Martin Luther King Jr. famously said "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." Teodor (the pastor in the video) says something similar, but he brings Jesus into the equation.

I have to admit, I don't know the answer here, but I think I can more fairly ask "What do I do?" after I've opened my self up to learning more about it.

So if anybody out there is game to watch and listen, talk and struggle, here's a chance-

what can we do?

how can we help?

(now taking suggestions....)

 

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Filed under  //   bulgaria   gypsy   home   hope   justice   martin luther king jr.   sofia baptist church  
Posted March 3, 2009
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on packing pasta, flour and frozen apples while not skiing (or "faith never takes a vacation")

When you regularly plan activities for youth, it's difficult to find variety, particularly when your almost 7 years into it. The requisite beach trips, laser-tag, putt-putt mini-golf, go-kart lock-ins, gym lock-ins, youth camps and ski trips are enough to make anyone die of monotony.

In the desperate search for something different I decided 2009 would be different. I had noticed at church that our folks seemed to genuinely enjoy being around one another (which is a good thing, as churches go). More specifically, they have a blast--it doesn't matter where, when or the conditions. It could be joking around while spreading mulch on a church workday or serving nachos to a kid in a Spider-Man outfit at the Halloween festival or serving dinner to the homeless at MUST Ministries --these people have fun together. 

With teenagers this happens almost immediately. Whether it's the guys racing to see who can pack food boxes the fastest, or a middle-schooler priding herself on her re-organization of shelves, they always make the best of it.

I think it's for all those reasons that I've decided that every youth activity we do this year will have some element of service attached to it. And this included our first event of 2009, the annual Youth Ski trip over New Years.

Through the wonder of Google, I was able to make contact in September with Jimm Norman, the director of Tender Mercies Ministries in Princeton, WV, where we temporarily took up residence in the Hampton Inn. By the time the Ski Trip actually rolled around, my head was spinning. I awoke the morning of Ski trip at 5 AM and suddenly realized I had signed us up for this.

All the thoughts you might think ran through my head. It was too late, I hadn't put this in the itinerary, I hadn't told the kids and parents, they would be ticked because we were cutting into time on the slopes which they had paid for with their "all-day" pass. I figured we wouldn't do it--that if Jimm called I'd just tell him we weren't going to be able to do it and we'd try to catch him next year. I felt more than a little guilty about that, but I figured I'd be over it when we were into our tenth Rook game in the Ski Lodge, or about to stab each other over a game of "Spoons".

Then the phone rang. It was Jimm and he wanted to make sure we were coming. I couldn't get past the guilt. I looked int he rear-view mirror and saw a van full of teenagers that think they can do anything. They'd get tired of skiing soon enough--we could even let the hardcore ones night-ski if they wanted to. I couldn't tell him we weren't coming. "Yeah man, we'll see you about 8 in the morning!"

We got lost at least twice trying to find it, but by the time we made it down the gravel road we saw a small steel building with a sign on it. Nobody seemed to be home, until a man walked around from the back and called us over. 

Jimm's in his thirties, a former youth minister and someone who feels passionately that taking care of people's most basic need--food--is something Jesus would want us to do. He was humble and gracious. He beamed with pride when he talked about the new insulation they'd been able to install over the "waiting area". The chaperons and I looked at each other in disbelief when he said they served 640 families out of this little steel building. He showed us the boxes vegetable pasta he found for $4 per 30 lb. box, adding that it was vegetable pasta, so it provided some much need nutrition to residents of West Virginia. He showed us the unopened 25 pound bags of biscuit mix.

               
Click here to download:
on_packing_pasta_flour_and_fro.zip (473 KB)


We packed and stuffed, each bag carefully scooped and weighed into 2 lb. portions before one of the college kids heat sealed them. (And everyone tried to refrain from pointing out the obvious resemblance between the bags of biscuit dough and blocks of cocaine.) Meanwhile, the rest of the group managed to re-organize two entire pantries of canned and dry goods. I had the broom in my hands and was sweeping up at 11 AM, thinking we had worked way ahead of schedule and done everything we could to help. I asked the question I knew I shouldn't have--"Anything else we can do?".

The answer was not what I expected. What we hadn't seen on the tour were 20 boxes of diced apples sitting in the walk-in freezer. They needed to be broken up and repackaged just like the biscuit dough and the pasta. The natives were getting a little restless by this point, but I knew it needed to be done, so I got another youth to start unloading the apples. The rest joined in when they found out the best way to break up the apples was by lifting them over their heads and smashing them down on the ground. It turns out teenage angst makes quick work of frozen apple boxes.

One hour later it was done. 800 pounds of apples, 400 pounds of biscuit mix and 800 pounds of pasta. Almost one ton of food, packed by 11 teenagers and three adults in 3.5 hours. There was a genuine sense of accomplishment when we knew that we had finished, but we didn't really understand it until I asked Jimm to say a few words before we left.

Jimm went on to say that the apples has been in the freezer for three months. He has about 40 volunteers, but they are sporadic, normally coming in groups of four or five and working 1-4 hour shifts. The pasta was ordered in September, the flour in October. In one morning, 14 people from Georgia did three months of work. They were caught up, and ready to face all those who would come through their door in 2009.

We did a lot of other things on Ski Trip. The youth had a blast, whether on the slopes or across the card table. Those memories will hang around for awhile, but they'll disappear eventually. The food will disappear too, into the stomachs of people across lower West Virginia who we'll never meet or know. They'll be hungry again and Tender Mercies will still be there to help meet those needs.

The reality is my first thought when I remembered scheduling our visit to Tender Mercies was that we should just stick with the vacation. Let the kids have fun, don't bring the realities of poverty and hunger into a "fun" trip. But that wasn't the plan, and it never should have been.

Last year when Jen and I were on a cruise we started trying to figure out how to be faithful on vacation. We tried to be kind to our taxi drivers, tour guides, host and hostesses. We tried to over-tip everywhere and not come off as stereotypically self-involved Americans. We had a blast and I'm sure we failed at points, but I realized that I can't out-run the gospel. 

It follows you wherever you go.

It has a nasty habit of asking "What's that person's story? Is this how they feed their family?"

When we left the Ski Lodge the first night I looked at the piles of trash on the tables, the drinks knocked over and the gum drops trod into the carpet. I wondered how the workers who had to clean it up that night felt about all these church youth groups (including ours) leaving this mess behind. What kind of Jesus could they make out from the aluminum foil, ketchup packets, foam trays and half-empty soft drinks?

More than anything our time at Tender Mercies reminded me (and I'd like to think the youth) that faith doesn't take a vacation. We shouldn't be able to hide our love for Jesus any more than we can hide our hair color or our freckles. 

Don't get me wrong, I'd like a vacation as much as the next guy. I'm just afraid that when I say "Lord, when did I see you hungry, or tired, or thirsty, or beat down, or oppressed and I didn't stop and help?" he might have a whole staff of people to point to. 


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Filed under  //   justice   ski trip   teenagers   tender mercies ministries  
Posted January 9, 2009
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star of wonder, star of night (guide us to thy perfect Light)

I should warn you that when you get inspired to write a blog, you had better be prepared to find more information than you ever wanted to know on the inter-web.

That being said, it all started this morning with a modest story on CNN.com (that I can no longer find to link to!) showcasing some of the top pictures of the year from the Hubble telescope. Naturally, this led me to think about the Star of Bethlehem. I wondered what it was, when/where it appeared, who saw it and what it would have looked like if the Magi had the Hubble telescope.

It turns out there's all kinds of theories about this. There's even a Star of Bethlehem documentary/movement that appears to have been started by an evangelical attorney. If you're looking for a no-frills survey of the Star situation, this BBC article gives a cross-section of opinion, ranging from the classic trinitarian convergence of Jupiter, Saturn and Uranus, to a comet or possibly a spectacular supernova. This Wikipedia entry even has an animated picture showing the convergence of Saturn and Jupiter on November 12, 7 BC. For the reader dying to get to the bottom of this thing, this site is exhaustive, literally and figuratively.

In all honesty, I'm fine with not knowing all the particulars. We now know that Herod didn't reign when Quirinius was governor of Syria, and that throws the veracity of the Gospel narratives into something of a tailspin, particularly when trying to back-date ancient lunar events with records from antiquity. What fascinates me most isn't what it was, but why anything from the heavens would ever want to leave in the first place. 

Let me take some narrative liberties for a second and assume (as the ancients did) that God/Spirit/Jesus is somewhere up there. Literally, up. In the heavens, with the super-cool stars, supernovas, crazy cosmic light displays and imploding galaxies. Why would you ever leave that? Much less leave it for  all that's down here. It's tempting to have a very nice Victorian nativity scene with a Baby Jesus in a perpetually lily-white diaper, but most of us know that wasn't the scene.

On this Christmas Eve I find myself thankful for a God who was willing to work on our terms. Before that little kid in the feed-trough came we could say "You don't know what it's like! You don't know how hard it is! You're just up there, with your galaxies and your stars--you say a word and universes are born, but you don't know what it's like to get sick or watch your child suffer, or you mother get cancer!" In Jesus, God exchanges the paradise of limitless creativity to work with the material before him. As Kyle Matthews calls it "a blue-green tiny grain of sand, two-thirds water, one-third man."

I'm trying to think about this visually, and this is what came to mind.


What boggles my mind the most is that that Light would come down to this mess to "dwell among us." The one who was called "God with us" took on flesh and blood and came into this mess. In him was life, and that life was the light of humanity.

As we anticipate the perfect life, may we never forget the Good News.

That the Word
became flesh
and dwelt
among us.



Merry Christmas everybody. 

May the Light that the darkness could not comprehend/overpower/understand be yours this night.

                                   
Click here to download:
star_of_wonder_star_of_night_g.zip (823 KB)

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Filed under  //   advent   jesus   justice   spaces   stars  
Posted December 24, 2008
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the worth of a life (thoughts on loving mercy and the death penalty)



My mom called me on my cell-phone. She sounded concerned, but steady. 

"I'm okay, we're all okay. I don't know if it's on the news or anything yet, but there's been some kind of a shooting here at the courthouse. [our bailiff] has us secured in the Judge's chambers, but we don't really know what's happened."

I didn't really know what to think. Truthfully, Mom had called two or three times before when there had been a "suspicious bag" on the courthouse steps, or other various threats. I knew there were enough random acts of violence in Atlanta that I honestly figured it was a jealous spouse, or someone who had probably opened fire in a courtroom, but probably hadn't wounded anyone.

Then I turned the news on. Details slowly started to come out. It became clear they were looking for a man named Brian Nichols, that me may/may not be in the Underground parking deck. Mom got home at 9:30 that night, after her vehicle was checked, along with countless others. There was an ensuing manhunt, kidnapping and stand-off, which was well-chronicled and featured on Oprah.

In total, he killed 4 people--3 of them in the courthouse, and one federal agent who could just have easily been a random stranger, as he was serving in no official capacity. Then there were kidnapping charges in the stand-off. 

Nichols was sentenced this past Saturday, and it's taken me awhile to pull all my thoughts together and write this. I remember last week listening to NPR as they said that the jury was deadlocked 9-3 in favor of giving him the death penalty. They requested a controversial piece of evidence in which Nichols voice could be heard during a prison phone-call. WABE played the clip and I heard his voice saying "Yeah, I'm glad I did it. If I had it to do over again, I'd stop on the third floor and kill some other (expletive)"

I've been to Mom's office two, maybe three times. I couldn't remember what floor it was on. For a moment I thought "Oh my God! Are they on the third floor?" And I realized in that moment, whether she was or wasn't, it didn't matter. This was a man saying he would kill indiscriminately, which  meant, in no uncertain terms, that my mother, my father, my wife, my dog, my whoever--was a fair target.

And in that moment, thought met with practice. I am against capital punishment. I could say more about this, and why I believe it to be not only a tenable position, but the only appropriate Christian position, but I don't think that's the point here. The reality is for a split-second, I didn't want to be against it. I thought "If this guy killed my mom, I'd want him dead."

I knew I couldn't stay there. I knew blood-lust wouldn't make it any better, and I am well aware of the stories of victim's families who say that no matter the lethal injection, electric chair or firing squad, the nightmares and fear are still there. Loss and trauma always leaves a ghost that doesn't fade with the death of the perpetrator. I had to mentally go through the process within myself as if it had been her, and not Judge Barnes, and the court reporter, and the deputy and the federal agent.

My mom and I do not agree on this issue. We both mourned Saturday morning when it was announced that the jury was deadlocked and that Nichols would serve almost 800 years in prison, 400 of them without the chance of parole. She mourned for the community she is a part of, which was, and still is, traumatized. Mine came a little later.

I was at the computer Saturday morning checking e-mail when I heard the top-of-the-hour headlines. The audio was crystal clear, coming from the wife of the murdered agent. "I am very disappointed. He was shown mercy but he did not show mercy." And I grieved.

I heard there are those trying to change the Georgia laws on death penalty to require a majority ruling instead of a unanimous one. And i grieved.

Jen keeps telling me something she learned earlier in the year when preparing to speak to our youth from Micah 6:8. The text says "love mercy." Not "show mercy", or "practice mercy", but "love mercy."

I want to love mercy, but I sincerely believe I can't do that by calling for the death of another human being.

I want to preserve life, but that means all life, not just unborn babies.

I want to show mercy because I've been shown mercy.

I don't want what I deserve, so I can't want what I feel another deserves.

I would want him dead if he killed my mom, but I couldn't do that and still love mercy.

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Filed under  //   death penalty   justice   mercy   sanctity of life  
Posted December 17, 2008
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mary's song (or "mary holy, mary, lowly")

And Mary said: 
   "My soul glorifies the Lord 
    47and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, 
 48for he has been mindful 
      of the humble state of his servant. 
   From now on all generations will call me blessed, 
    49for the Mighty One has done great things for me— 
      holy is his name. 
 50His mercy extends to those who fear him, 
      from generation to generation. 
 51He has performed mighty deeds with his arm; 
      he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts. 
 52He has brought down rulers from their thrones 
      but has lifted up the humble. 
 53He has filled the hungry with good things 
      but has sent the rich away empty. 

Somewhere over the years I lost sight of the "humble nature" of Mary, the servant Mother of Jesus. Maybe it's the Magnificat, or all the Renaissance pictures with a haloed middle-aged mom holding a cherubic, well-mannered baby God/boy.

I knew it was pink candle Sunday this past third Sunday of Advent. I knew the Magnificat would be the reading and I knew what it said...until verse 53.

"He has filled the hungry with good things, but has sent the rich away empty."

Suddenly it all came crashing back like a train. When I was young I heard this song by Ken Medema called "Hush Missus Teenage Mary". It was like a splatter of paint thinner across all those frou-frou Renaissance pictures. The only thing left was the tight embrace of a mother, with a look of thirteen-year-old fear.

I remember being somewhere a few years ago and watching the thirteen year-old daughter of a couple hold their newly adopted child, a small African-American baby girl who was out cold. The girl held her tightly in her her arms and something in my brain tagged that mental picture "Madonna and Child."

Thirteen year old girls are in love with the Jonas Brothers. They giggle and talk about boys. Mary was probably thirteen, sixteen at the oldest. 

She wasn't best, first, or prettiest. She wasn't the progeny of political power, there was no great dowry to be had. She was just a girl, and probably one scared out of her mind.

But she knew enough of the story to know that's the kind of people God uses. Freaks and frightened teenagers, the downcast, oppressed, mistreated, abused. Sometime he even makes them carry the God-Man in their belly. 

And we call her "blessed." We don't call her the names the other thirteen-year old girls were calling her. We don't call her Joseph's Better-Half or JC's mom. 

We call her Mary.

We call her the Mother of God.

We call her Blessed.

We call her Joy.

Hush Missus Teenage Mary by Ken Medema  
(download)

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Filed under  //   advent   justice   mary   teenagers   the poor  
Posted December 16, 2008
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on world AIDS day (or the power of twelve)

$3.29--Tall Latte at Starbucks today, $.05 of which will go to the Global Fund for AIDS


$5 a month--subscribes you to redwire.com a new digital music magazine that will send you new music from Coldplay, Sheryl Crow and others. You can copy, download, burn it as much as you want. $2.50 goes to the Global Fund for AIDS.

$12 a month pays for the two anti-retro-viral (ARV's) drugs that will keep one person with AIDS alive for one month.

I spend $12 a month on toiletries--soap, shaving cream and shampoo.

Twelve bucks. And you're changing the world--one life touching one life.

If you can, do it. If you can't, get a cup of coffee, or get some good new music. Get five of your friends to do it and you'll help one person.

Do it because Jesus said our salvation is bound up in the way we care for one another.

Do it because Paul said we don't really live until we know others are standing.

Do it because there are 33,000,000,000 lives to save .

Do it because 2,000,000 of them are children .

Do it because 5,000 men, women and children will die today from HIV/AIDS.

Do it to save one life.

Get informed, Give generously, Grow in love.

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Filed under  //   AIDS   compassion   giving   justice  
Posted December 1, 2008
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